A Non-Parent's Guide to Baby Shower Gifts

I just bought some gifts for some friends who are expecting a baby in February, and it made me think of how much my idea of what constitute good baby shower gifts has changed since having a baby of my own. Before having my baby I would usually buy clothes and/or toys. After all, baby clothes and toys are so cute! Baby clothes and toys are so fun to shop for! But now, I'd rather buy someone a Diaper Genie or some burp cloths. Because now I realize that the most-appreciated gifts are the practical ones...even if the parents don't know it yet.

Congratulating expecting or new parents is probably the only gift giving event when people actually need things. Now that people are getting married later the concept of wedding gifts, which used to help the newlyweds establish a household, now mostly serve to upgrade things the couple already have (or may even have two of if they weren't living together beforehand). But unless someone has a good source for hand-me-downs, most new parents are starting from scratch.  If they don't receive key baby gear as gifts the parents will probably have to buy it themselves, which can add up to a lot of expenses at a time when one or both parents may be about to take unpaid leave.

Of course, "need" is relative. We all have relatives with stories of babies sleeping in dresser drawers, and $900 designer strollers do seem excessive. Still, most people won't argue there are some basic items that are really nice to have when you have a new baby.

At the risk of offending people who bought presents for my baby showers (assuming they haven't already angrily closed their browser windows before getting to this point), I will say that clothes and toys aren't bad gifts. Certainly, I received some good ones, and I really like them. But still, I must say that the gifts I received that have had the most impact were:

Give the gift of digitalization (or the opposite)

Homemade gifts are nice during the holidays, but those who don't have the talents of a budding etsy entrepreneur may feel that shopping is the only option. Heck, even if you can knit/paint/sew/craft like a fiend, it's a little late now to pursue much of that as gift options. However, if you have a computer you can use it to create gifts (and not just to buy them online). Of course, you can give the gift of links to your favorite web sites, but for something a bit more generous you can offer to digitize things someone already has. Conversely, if someone is completely digital you can transfer their assets back to a physical form.

Offering to transfer things a person owns into a digital archive gives him or her greater portability and insurance against loss. To choose an appropriate gift you do need to know something about what a person has and values, but the time involved in any of these gifts means that you'd be unlikely to give them to someone to whom you aren't close. Here are some ideas:

Give Gifts not Garbage

Regarding gifts, some say it’s the thought that counts, but they usually don’t say that unless they’re referencing a terrible gift. Regardless, whether it’s the thought or the gift that matters few would say it’s the wrapping that’s most important. Sure you might comment on the lovely wrapping when you first see a gift , but will you be talking months from now about the beautiful wrapping paper? No. You’re going to be talking about how great the gift was or how it was a very nice thought. So why spend the extra money and add more trash to the planet to wrap things up in shiny paper and decadent gift bags?

Below are four ways to avoid conventional wrapping paper. All promote recycling. Many will save you money. None require arts and craft skills. (Sure you could use paint or stamps to make things fancier, but you don’t need to unless you are especially motivated.)

1. Detour something on its way to the recycle bin

A Non-Parent's Guide to Toy-Buying

Holiday sales have already begun, so I'm aware that some people (not me) may be starting their gift shopping soon.  It may seem tacky to promote gift-buying guidance as a form of etiquette, but I think we've all gotten a gift at one time or another that inspired a truly sincere "You SHOULDN'T have." In this economy, I feel it's polite to help people not to waste their time and money on things that are likely to inspire more frustration than appreciation.

As a new mother, I am particularly sensitive to this because I realize that my son may be magnet for some well-intentioned but not well thought out presents.  Before I was a parent I saw other people's kids as an excuse to buy "fun" kid's stuff.  I now see that some of those purchases were a bit misguided (Sorry), but I hope not to have to regret anyone else's generosity.  Luckily my son is so young this year that if anyone gives me something misguided it can be fixed with a return, but parents of older kid's may have trouble getting an inappropriate toy away from an admiring youngster.  So, for anyone who may not have kids (or whose kids are so old that you've forgotten the fundamentals), here is a guide to picking out toys that will inspire the parents to write thank you letters instead of death threats.

1. Toys have recommended age ranges.  You may think something is just sooooooo cute and clever, but check the tag.  If the child is younger than the recommended age range the toy is likely too complicated or DANGEROUS.  Don't make a parents choose between politeness and their child's safety.

2. Avoid toys that make lots of noise, whether it be from recorded sounds or encouraged banging (i.e. a drum set).  Different parents have different opinions of these things, but unless you are sure of their feelings err on the side of something quiet.  I personally am okay with banging (which is good because my son does it a lot), but I have low tolerance for the tinny recorded music/voices/nature sounds that seem to be embedded in just about everything nowadays.  They say in gift giving "it's the thought that counts," but you really don't want your name connected with the thoughts that hearing a millionth metallic rendition of "Old MacDonald" can inspire.

3. Avoid toys with a lot of pieces.  If you followed item one this isn't an issue for a few years since a billion little pieces are a billion little choking hazards.  However, once age appropriate things like Legos are very good toys, but that doesn't mean you have to be the one to buy them.  Similar to avoiding the blame for the maddening cacophony of noisy toys, you don't want to have your name attached to the end of the expletive that the mom will scream every time she steps barefooted on a jagged piece of plastic that didn't get put away.

4. Ask the parents for ideas, or if you have an idea ask if it seems appropriate.  The parents know what they'll be comfortable having their child received.  It will spoil the surprise, but some surprises are best spoiled.

Does that all seem too complicated?  Why don't you give a nice book?  Or, if you really want something the parents can appreciate, free babysitting is always nice.  Plus you'll get to see first hand what toys are just asking to be "accidentally" lost forever.