Don’t think of Buzz as just another social media app

The release of Google Buzz is making a lot of people ask, “Do I really need another social media thing?” Others ask if Buzz will kill Twitter or Facebook or even its own sibling Wave. But these are the wrong questions to ask. You shouldn’t look at social media sites as different versions of the same thing. You should think of them as unique tools that you use can for different things.

Those of you old enough to remember when email starting rolling out to the masses may recall that many people preferred to just pick up the phone. Then they realized that email was a much cheaper way to contact people long distance. Or that it was nice to have a record of certain correspondence. Or that it was useful to send a message to multiple people at the same time. Or so many other things.  Now most of us have situations in which email seems best and others when calling seems best. See also IM/Chat. See also phone text messages.

If you only use social media for a vague purpose (i.e. being “social”) using multiple sites can easily become overwhelming, but you can greatly improve your privacy and your sanity if you use multiple sites for distinct audiences and specific content.

Conversation without hyperlinks

The announcement of Oscar nominations this morning reminded me of a gathering of friends nearly 15 years ago. We were having dinner and started talking about Oscar winning movies. Maybe we had just seen a movie; I don't remember. The restaurant was one with white paper on the tables, so we used a crayon to write down the best picture winners from previous years based totally on memory. No one knew the list by heart. Some entries were agreed on only to later realize they must have been a few years before or after. Evidence came in the form of anecdotes: where someone lived at the time, with whom someone had seen the film, what year someone was in school when it came out. The conversation had many tangents. We talked about movies that should have won. We talked about what we liked and disliked about each movie. Occasionally we'd comment on who had won the directing and acting awards that year as well. In the end, we had a pretty good list and a pleasant conversation that lasted over an hour.

When I went home I checked a reference book to see how we had done. We got a few things wrong, but it didn't matter. It had been an enjoyable evening.

That wouldn't happen now. Once someone wondered aloud about Oscar winners at least one person would pull out a smart phone and look up the answer. Eye contact would be lost, and the conversation would degrade despite protestations of "No. Keep talking. I'm listening...Man, I have no bars in here. What about you?" 

Do Not Disturb: Courtesy in a Highly Connected World

My granny always said that you shouldn't call people before 9 AM or after 9 PM unless it's an emergency. With occasional exceptions--when I know people's schedules--I still try to follow her advice. However, that rule is not enough anymore. Now we have text messages and emails and Twitter/Facebook updates all of which may create notifications on our phones. And many of us keep those phones by our beds to use as alarms or just in case there is an emergency. Any form electronic update has the potential to disturb us from sleep (or our "busy getting ready" morning time or our "just want to relax" before bed time).

So does that mean you can't use ANY form of communication before 9 AM or after 9 PM? (If you immediately think that's silly you have obviously never known an early morning texter.) Of course, if you know someone is awake--for example, you are meeting for late night plans--feel free to keep in contact by whatever means makes sense, but this post is about those times when you don't know for sure and don't want to disturb anyone.

Plan ahead.
If you know a person who regularly keeps different hours than you due to work schedules, time zones, or general lifestyle, ask how he or she would prefer to be contacted and when. Perhaps someone doesn't get email updates on her phone, so you can use that at anytime without disturbing her. Or perhaps another friend doesn't mind if you wake him up. One example I know from experience: it's considerate to ask new mothers how they'd like to be contacted because you don't want to be the one who woke up baby, mommy, or both.

But sometimes you haven't planned ahead, and you want to contact someone at an odd time. Maybe you can't sleep and want to see if someone else is awake. Maybe you just got a brilliant idea that you want to share before you forget it. Because everyone's schedules and phone settings are different it is difficult to make rules that will work for everyone every time, but here are some guidelines for using electronic communication with a courtesy that will usually prevent you from waking and/or annoying your friends, family, and other contacts.

Give the gift of digitalization (or the opposite)

Homemade gifts are nice during the holidays, but those who don't have the talents of a budding etsy entrepreneur may feel that shopping is the only option. Heck, even if you can knit/paint/sew/craft like a fiend, it's a little late now to pursue much of that as gift options. However, if you have a computer you can use it to create gifts (and not just to buy them online). Of course, you can give the gift of links to your favorite web sites, but for something a bit more generous you can offer to digitize things someone already has. Conversely, if someone is completely digital you can transfer their assets back to a physical form.

Offering to transfer things a person owns into a digital archive gives him or her greater portability and insurance against loss. To choose an appropriate gift you do need to know something about what a person has and values, but the time involved in any of these gifts means that you'd be unlikely to give them to someone to whom you aren't close. Here are some ideas:

10 Favorite Websites

I had no idea what to get you for Christmas, so stealing an idea from Roger Ebert, I’m giving you the gift of websites I love that you may have never heard of. Since I’m in a stealing mood, I’ll steal a line from Oprah that she stole from Julie Andrews: These are a few of my favorite things! (And although etiquette says that a gift requires nothing more than a thank you in return, I'd love if you want to recommend other websites in the comments.)

Staggering Works of genius

1. Roger Ebert http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/

Due to his battle with cancer Roger Ebert can no longer speak or eat, but thankfully he can still write. I grew up watching his movie reviews, which he continues to do online, but his journal is where the best stuff is posted: profound and witty commentaries on a wide variety of subjects. He’s also a must follow on Twitter @ebertchicago.

Evite for Guests: Reply!

So you've received a message from evite. This, like any invitation, is the start of a social contract. It's someone extending a hand to shake yours or raising a palm to give you a high five. And like a high five offered it is rude to keep your host hanging. Out of respect for your host you should reply. Even if an evite doesn't specify a requirement to RSVP or convey "regrets only" it is courteous to reply, particularly since it only takes a few seconds. Whether you plan to attend or not or aren't sure, your host will appreciate you acknowledging the invitation.

Reply immediately! You are in the invitation already, so it doesn't take much time to make the appropriate clicks to enter a reply. You don't know whether you are going or not? There's a word for that: "Maybe." Are you afraid you won't remember to go back in and change your response once you determine whether or not you are going? Don't worry about it. Most hosts count on about half the maybes to attend. If there needs to be an exact guest count for the event, the host will follow up with you.

Evite for Hosts

The holiday season is fast approaching which means many party and dinner invitations are about to be exchanged. Traditional etiquette favors paper invitations, but electronic versions are common replacements. I don't mind the move to invitations via evite and facebook. After all, the money saved on paper, printing, and postage can be applied to the event itself. Plus, it's more environmentally friendly. However, the reputation of electronic invitations has been marred by the bad behavior of both hosts and guests. This is the first in a series of posts to help elevate the practice of exchanging electronic invitations this season. I start with guidance to those who want to send invitations via evite.

Your invitation, regardless of its medium, is the first impression for your party. Its style should be true to the upcoming event. Subtle colors, classic fonts, and simple images will convey a fancier event (e.g. a nice dinner party); whereas bright colors and wacky clip art are good for something more casual (e.g. a football gathering or crazy Christmas sweater party). Imagine printing out your invitation and displaying it prominently at your event. Would the style of the evite be consistent with the decor and desired tone?

Don't Enable Voyeurs (Or Be One)

The problem with cell phone cameras is that people can take them anywhere.  The common example is a locker room, but I read today about a stage manager who used his iPhone to spy on an actress in her dressing room.  Hopefully I don't need to point out that being a voyeur is not only impolite but also, generally, illegal.  However, less egregious examples are worthy of some etiquette-oriented reflection.

Having a camera constantly on the ready prevents a lot of "darn, I wish I had brought a camera moments."  That combined with the essentially free nature of digital photographs enables a whole lot of pictures to be taken that might never have been captured in the past.  Additionally, the Internet allows for these images to be shared widely.  This is great for showing the grandparents a baby's first steps, but it also results in the journalistic recording of far less noble events.

I know they are funny, but please don't publish embarrassing photos of your friends without their consent.  And if you publish a photo that a friend wants to be "untagged" from or wants to have totally deleted, please respect those wishes.  (True, nothing is ever truly deleted from the Internet.  Cached archives get generated too quickly, and you never know who may have done a right-click>save already.  Still, you can minimize the damage by removing something quickly.)  Realize that your definition of embarrassing may vary from that of your friend, or they may want the picture removed for another reason. Perhaps they are avoiding a stalker.  Perhaps they are trying to establish a false alibi.  Perhaps it just makes them look fat.  Regardless, the polite thing to do is to give them some control over images of them put on the web.

Additionally I add this even though few will heed it: Please don't post embarrassing pictures of strangers.  I know we are a voyeuristic society, but most of you won't think "People of Walmart" is nearly as funny when you find yourself featured on it.  If a photo goes viral it can make its way back to the subject who may not be as amused.  If someone is amused by an embarrassing photo that person is probably a reality-show-seeking exhibitionist, who should not be encouraged.  The classy thing is not to mock strangers in a public forum.  (In private forums, however, this is called "wit" or "social satire" and will usually improve your cocktail party banter.)

Subject: Use One

I have a feeling technology will be a frequent subject on this blog.  Technology has made us more interconnected than ever before, but it also creates more opportunities for rudeness and misunderstanding.  Decorum is often overlooked in exchange for a quick contact fix, in a serious need for some etiquette guidance.

For this first technology etiquette post I'll start at the top...of an email that is:
Always include meaningful subject lines on your emails.


Include as much detail in the subject line as you can without becoming overly long.  For example, "lunch today?" is a better subject line than just "lunch?" because it makes it clear that you are not asking about "lunch next Friday?"

The subject line is there for a reason.  It helps someone to identify which messages to read first.  Perhaps more importantly, it helps someone locate a message that was previously read.


The subject line also helps confirm that this email is from a person as opposed to being generated by a virus or spambot.  This is particularly important if you are sending a message to someone who may not immediately recognize your name, but security savvy friends who may know that email addresses can be spoofed may be wary of emails with subjects like "hello" or "that file you wanted" even if they are from a familiar sender.  To help ensure that your email doesn't get dragged to the spam folder include a meaningful subject line.


In threaded email clients, like GMail, the subject line is used to group related messages.  As a result, it is important not only to include a meaningful subject line but also to change the subject line if you are sending a reply that is off topic.  This will help the recipient find your message later without having to remember that you sent that handyman's phone number in the thread about a friend's upcoming birthday party.

In a world of rapidly refilling inboxes, most people will appreciate any assistance they can get in organizing their many incoming email messages.  Including meaningful subject lines is considerate, increases the likelihood that your message will be read, and only takes a few seconds.